Lonely Day

Life is a dream and I’m still waiting to wake up,
The confusion around me never seems to stop,
As I try to twist logic into being,
My mind races to fill in the gaps of the unseen,
If life has it’s highs and has it’s low,
Then my lows are way out of control,
Aren’t you supposed to stop when you hit rock bottom,
Well I feel like I’m below aiming for the magma,
Hoping that it will burn me alive,
And boil all my inside’s,
So I no longer have to think
No longer have to act,
I can just watch the world pass me by,
And never interact,
I’ll be frozen in time,
Embedded in rock,
Just sitting there waiting,
As the clock does it’s tick tock tick tock,
I feel empty and hollow,
Devoid of any soul,
No feeling of self,
No feeling of others,
I’m in the grey area,
That is to hard to uncover,
I’m no longer feeling happy,
No longer high on life,
Everyone has used me,
And abused what I give freely,
I can not keep doing this to myself,
I can’ not manage the emotions it invokes,
Every time I put myself out to be,
I get taken for a ride and find out what it is that’s not meant to be,
And I’m left confounded and trying to figure out what I feel,
But I no longer want to feel anything,
In fact I want God to take all my emotions away,
I’m tired of being the nice guy that gets trod on,
I can’t help how I was raised but I can stop giving myself away,
I feel like I can’t afford to lose more of myself,
Every time I put myself out I lose a small piece of my heart,
How long before my heart gets chipped away and I can’t feel my life pulse anymore
I feel like I knew what was going to happen,
Only because I expected the worst and the worst is what happened,
The same thing again just like the last,
And it leaves me with feelings of failure and uselessness,
And then it happens and I’ am floored
Even though it’s exactly what I pictured when I came onboard,
It has to be me, what else could it be,
To happen twice in under 6 months,
That can not be coincidence can it
At least this time I was smart enough,
Not to fall in love,
To keep my hearts gate secured and shut,
Now I feel like I will never open again,
I will just pull inward on self,
And never look out,
I’m in a blah mood and I don’t think it will change,
In order to survive I must be aloof and straight faced,
So feeling like failing,
No longer feel like bailing,
Wanting my ship to sink,
And to stop sailing,
Drop where we are,
Die in this ocean,
Of emotion and turmoil,
I am bent and broken,
I am crazy as hell,
No longer wish to be sane,
Lock me away in a cell,
With white and rubber walls,
I’m tired of life,
And everything in it,
I just want to quit and give up,
To say it’s better to try and to have failed than to never tried at all,
Is the most stupid thing I’ve heard at it all,
To feel this horrible,
To feel this empty,
And wish for death to come swiftly and painfully,
I will no longer try,
I will keep them away,
My heart is mine you can’t take it away,
I’m not going to share,
I’m not going to show,
This is me and that’s all you will know,
To see my outside is all you’ll have to judge because my emotions are mine and the inside is shut